NoahandEmilysMama

Often Your Online friends are nicer than your actual friends.  I made a separate Instagram from my personal in the summer of 2014. Loyal friends will know why I made a private Instagram. Back then, I was anonymous. Nobody knew me, Who I was, What I looked like. I needed the privacy. I couldn't turn to my friends but I needed people who were in the same situation. But as I found more friends, my wall came down, I started with my face. I felt like as I built up friendships that they would like to see who was talking to them. Then I used my real name. My mummy Instagram was 100% where you would find me when I was pregnant. Every niggle, I confided  in my online friends. Every up and downs was shared there and I felt like I could trust everyone. I felt accepted.  As I got further into my pregnancy I started looking for people who were due around the same time or slightly before/after. I began conversations, liking pictures and fol...

Gone are the days when I could carry a cute little clutch... Now It feels like when Me and Noah go out, I have to pack the house. I could be gone an hour and I'll Pack 10 nappies, 3 (8 oz) bottles (which usually take him a day to go through), hat and gloves, 2 outfits, Wet wipes, 2 bits of food, spare blanket.. and for me- a purse and my phone.  People will joke at me, I forgotten to pack my house or I haven't packed for him to go out for a year. I panic that if i don't pack all that he'll puke loads and I wont have outfits or out the blue have millions of dirty nappies and I won't have anything. It would be sods law.  But out of everything I pack.. I always forget something.. Typical. I might as well pack up my whole house.  How I manage to fit this into a tiny changing bag I will never know. But anymore my zip will give up and go to retirement.  Imagine what i'll be like when we go abroad.. Oh my. I don't think a plane is big enough.....

Sit back, Relax and get a cuppa.. It's going to be a long one.. This is my journey as a first time mother. This is my deepest thoughts, feelings and experiences. Both good and Bad. It's been a roller coaster.  So lets go back to the beginning.. The minute I became a mother. The moment Noah was born.  You know like films portray- A massive gush of love to your child suddenly wash over you? Yeah that didn't happen to me. It was a mix of relief of being pain free from labouring through the night and tiredness for the last reason. I cuddled him sleepily and he got taken away from me. Suddenly it hit me. He was purple. He wasn't screaming, He wasn't breathing. Panic hit me like a 40 tonne truck. My lungs emptied I couldn't breathe. Everyone's breath came to a quiet hum. All eyes focused on Noah and then to me- to stop me worrying.  And then.. The smallest wail ever emerged, and a massive sigh was released by the whole room.  ...