Life through an Angel Mama's Eyes | Guest Harleyinmyheart's personal experience.

Pregnancy loss happens to 1 in every 4 people, this is a shockingly large number for such a taboo subject. We will end the stigma around pregnancy loss.

I have my own personal experience with this. I have lost two babies both before the 12 week mark and it does not get any easier. Although myself and plenty of other women are open about it some are still fearing that it is not an easy subject to discuss. At the time of need a woman shouldn't hide away but should get support from a fellow mother and friend. 

Our guest today comes from an Instagram page who lives everyday helping women who have been in this position. She works hard to break the stigma, whilst letting the memory of her son Harley live on. Harleyinmyheart also known as Miranda shares her personal experience.


'I was 17 when I got pregnant. I had all the symptoms and I decided to take a test on November 6, 2013. I went to take the test at school between classes. My school had this policy that if you were late to class more than a certain number of times, you got in trouble and I couldn't afford the consequences so I hurried and looked at the test instantly after peeing on it. I didn't see a second line so I assumed it was negative and threw it in my purse, and headed to class without checking it again. That night, I woke up with excruciating cramps. I couldn't go back to sleep because I was in so much pain. When I got up in the morning on the 7th, I had started bleeding. I went to school and when I used the restroom there without going into too many details, i noticed my "period" looked a lot different. I was still cramping really bad, and I rarely ever got cramps with my period. I knew something was wrong. I knew something wasn't right. I googled what could be wrong and kept getting results for miscarriage. That couldn't be right though because I thought my test was negative. It said online I'd release a sac and I hadn't at that point so I ignored what I read. Later that evening I was home alone and in so much pain. I felt like I needed to pee really bad and I went to the bathroom and felt something "blocking" the way so to speak. I pushed just a little and that was when I released the sac. Everything sank in right then. I WAS pregnant. The test has to be wrong. That was my baby I just passed. My baby died. I collapsed to the bathroom floor and sobbed. I was broken. Days later I cleaned out my purse and found my test, it was positive. I'll never stop beating myself up for not looking at my test sooner. It was so scary not knowing what was happening to me. I felt like an absolute failure. People judge my loss a lot because I didn't know I was pregnant until it was too late and they think that I don't have the right to grieve but I don't believe that. I would give up everything to have been able to enjoy ONE happy moment in my pregnancy, knowing about my baby. I grieve for literally every lost moment of pregnancy and motherhood that was taken from me'.


This amazing woman now spends every day helping women in the same position she was in. She remembers all angel babies and has found many friendships through these hard times. With her awareness campaign she now leaves little notes around her town, telling people how pregnancy loss happens to 1 in 4 people and that they are never alone. Miranda also creates beautiful pictures that tell many stories many feature her son Harley with an frog associated with him. If you have ever experienced pregnancy loss, go check her Instagram out, and you'll be met with a beautiful welcoming community.



We'll finish with a Q and A to give advice to people who might be in the same position.

Obviously you have been through loss, but did you know how common it was before you lost Harley?

I didn't know it was common at all. In fact I had only heard of baby loss twice. I went to my moms friends house as a kid and they were talking in a nursery and I remember asking something along the lines of "are you having a baby?" And my mom pulled me aside to tell me that the baby died and that I shouldn't bring it up to her again. And the other time was in 10th grade, there was a girl pregnant with twins that passed away and I didn't know she lost them until we had this school wide writing contest and she was chosen to read hers to the school and it was a letter to her sons and it was super emotional and she broke down on the stage and was walked off by some of her friends who came up to hug her. But no one ever mentioned it after that. Ever since losing Harley though, I've  learned that so many people around me have been through loss though.

What did you do to help you get through it?

Writing to Harley was a huge part in helping me. I wrote to Harley ever night starting 2 days after I lost him for the entire first year. Then it became just every 7th and holidays. Now it's just when I feel the urge to talk to him one on one or my emotions are too strong. I also made my Harleybear. It a a build a bear with my pregnancy test, a ring, and a letter to Harley inside. It's so comforting to have that to hold onto when your arms are feeling so empty.

What led you and your partner to choose the name Harley?

We wanted a unisex name since we never knew his gender for sure. We chose Harley after my grandpas love for Harley Davidson. I had a dream Harley was a boy and I've become more comfortable over the years referring to him as such. 

What made you decide to help others who have been in your position?

When I made my Instagram account, I was welcomed into this community of angel moms who always made graphics for each other. It made me feel so good whenever someone made something for Harley. It was like a little bit of happiness when everything else seemed so broken. I wanted to make everyone else who felt like me, feel better. 

How do you deal with it now that years have passed?

I deal with it one day at a time. I can't sleep without my Harleybear even to this day. I have a necklace for Harley and I HAVE to wear it everyday to feel close to him. And I've felt more at ease ever since I got my tattoo for Harley, like now it's official that he's always with me. I buy things for him and display them in my house so that I don't have to feel like he's a secret. It's just super helpful for me to be open with everything that involves my loss because when I used to keep it bottled up, I hated myself. 

What would be your best advise  to someone going through that now?

Just take it one day at a time. It seems like your world is over but it isn't. Remember that you are not a failure and neither is your body. Remember that your baby is and always will be loved immensely. And know more importantly that you are not alone and neither is your angel. Don't try to rush through your grief, let it happen, feel every ounce of it because it is a part of you. The pain doesn't ever go away, it just gets different and you learn to just be one with it. And eventually, that will be okay.

Thank you so much to my guest writer Miranda! We hope this could help someone in need or to educate people about just how common it is and what every woman in this position goes through.